her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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