A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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