Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
