it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
