We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
ok first of all what the fuck
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
