My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
