Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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