There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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