I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
