My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
