We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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