i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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