Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
