I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
