He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
