I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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