I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
