im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
