Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
