Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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