What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
