Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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