i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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