is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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