Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
