Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
