There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
