I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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