the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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