Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
