We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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