This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
