so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
