either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
