Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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