yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
