Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize