Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
