now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
