Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
