someone get that fucking seahorse.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
