i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
