Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
