my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize