Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
