I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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