So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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