feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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