guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
