So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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