Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
