Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
