I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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