My liver just broke up with me...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize