Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
