we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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