Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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