I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
