He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
