my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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