can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
