do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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