Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
