Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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