Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
