On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
