Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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