grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
