Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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