I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I deserve this hangover.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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