We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
