Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
