i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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