just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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