so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
