wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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