this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
