I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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