I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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