Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
