on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
