He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
