there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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