i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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