she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I die, sorry about rent.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
