So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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