People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
